Today’s blog entry is based on an area of my life that has affected me emotionally and spiritually over the years and for those who have experienced anything similar will know how exhausting and painful going through these moments can be.
It is a hard circumstance to face, and can affect you for along time. My cat, Jinx, truly was the first step in helping me to recover. He helped me to learn the meaning of unconditional love, not just for others but for myself.
The next step from there was to learn forgiveness. It is not easy to forgive when somebody has really hurt you. Just thinking of trying to forgive someone who has hurt you brings up all the memories of the pain they caused. What I did was learn to forgive myself.
Addicts
To help you understand how I overcame my emotional struggle with an addict, I need to give you a bit of background.
A had a good friend that I’d known since I was thirteen years old, we went to high school together, we went through our crazy, party all night late teens and early twenties together and in our mid twenties we even lived together for a while. And now I have cut her out of my life completely!
Through the years she only ever contacted me for three seasons. For money, drugs or compassion! Not only had she become badly addicted to drugs (and even became a dealer) but she was addicted to taking other people’s compassionate energy. How did she do it?
(This is still quite tough for me, I’m even shaking quite badly as a write.)
I might not hear from her for months and then one day she would phone me up out of the blue in tears over something terrible that had happened, and like a knight in shining armour I’d go to her rescue, comfort her and help her out of her situation. Her big blue, tear filled eyes would get me every time. When all was well in her world again she would stab me in the back or not contact me again for months on end, and yet for some reason the next time something happened I’d be there for her. Over and over again for almost 12 years she did this to me. Draining my energy, using my emotions for her own good and hurting me. She was abusing my compassion without a doubt.
Eventually I cut her out of my life completely, I am only sorry it took so long. And now when I look back I realise that almost everything she ever told me was a lie so that she could use me emotionally, and I fell for it. I can’t change her, I can’t get her to be a better person and I will admit for some things I just can’t forgive her.
Me
So what did I do? I learnt to forgive myself. I forgave myself for putting me in situations where she could hurt me over and over again. I was angry because I had let her hurt me over and over again, so the change had to happen with me. I realised that there is absolutely no way I can help her or make her change and that is completely up to her, it’s her freewill!
So she wouldn’t “suck” my energy from me I stayed as far away from her as possible, it sounds horrible but I know if I don’t block myself off from her she will probably be able to get to me again. Finally because I know she has dipped her toes in dark magick I used the following protection spell from Cassandra Carter’s book “Every day magic”. I started using it many years ago when a childhood friend of mine turned to dark magic, and eventually Satanism. It has helped to protect me through a lot!
Although the spell is focused on protecting the person I have often expanded it to protect my room and even my house. (I also have shadow dragons around the house for extra protection).
This is the use of the archangels, Raphael, Michael, Gabriel and Uriel, if you are not sure about using angels feel free to replace there names with “The spirit of the element of earth/air/fire/water”. Visualise this protective barrier around yourself or your home.
Saint Patrick’s breastplate
Face east and say:
“Before me Raphael” Visualise a bright yellow pentagram flaming in the East.
“Behind me Gabriel” Visualise a vibrant blue pentagram flaming in the West.
“To my right hand, Uriel” Visualise a deep green pentagram flaming in the South.
“To my left hand, Michael” Visualise a bright red pentagram flaming in the North.
This ward has not only worked powerfully in protecting me and my family over the years, but it has always made me feel comforted, safe and peaceful.
So can I help whoever has hurt me?
This is a very tough question. We always want to help those we see who are suffering and have lost their path. We want to reach out and make the world a better place, it is our human nature. The answer to this question is a simple but a hard pill to swallow. NO! We cannot change or help the other person that is only something they can do for themselves.
You might want to be there to offer them love and support until they come out the other end of their problems, I used to think like this until I realised they will use this against you. It is hard but sometimes you just have to walk away.
When it comes to being an addict and working with dark magick those involved can come clean and sort their lives out, I have seen it happen, the hard truth is that it doesn’t always happen.
If you do decide to step away from anyone that has hurt you there is a parting gift you can give them. I call it the break-away crystal.
I set up my sacred space and in the centre I have a quartz crystal, pen & paper and my cauldron. On the piece of paper I write I wish. Usually something along the lines of “I wish (name) will leave me alone and that they find true happiness and goodness in their lives. May all their dreams come true.” Write it from your heart. You know best what the goodness of this person means to you.
Then I burn the wish in the cauldron while visualising the wish coming true.
I don’t believe in getting rid of negative energy. It’s bad for karma because you are sending it away from you and out into the world. What I do believe is that as science has shown us energy does not go away it just changes into something else and that is what you will be using the crystal for.
Once the wish has been burnt, pick up the crystal and bless it as you normally would to clear it of previous energies. I chose a quartz as it is one of the strongest conductors available to us.
When charging the crystal, imagine it glowing with a bright white light. Imagine it absorbing negative energy from the person you are going to give it to and releasing pure positive energy. When you have done that say the following:
“Let goodness endure
With love that is pure
To the freewill of all
By the power of three
May it hurt none
So mote it be”
Clear your sacred space as you would and take the ashes from your wish and throw them into the air for the wind to carry away and the next time you see the person who has hurt you give them the crystal gift, with a smile. Wish them only happiness and love.
No matter how horrible and painful my past experiences have been I am grateful for them because they have made me into the person I am today. I hope my experiences are also able to help anyone out there who finds them in a similar position.
Bright blessings from the bottom of my heart!
Creature Beulah
Wow, what a brave and moving blogpost..! Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeletetypically partners and friends of addicts, are called co-dependants.
ReplyDeleteI am one.
it doesnt just end with addicts, its victims of abuse as well (emotional, physical, financial).
codependants will injure themselves, in order to help the other person, believing that they can change them, show them the way.
first thing we learn:
LET GO AND LET GOD
not allways that easy to do.
its not being selfish, its letting that person lead and live their own kharma, and they cannot learn their life lessons, if you are allways neglecting yourself in order to fix them.
its hard to watch, especially if you are involved intimately with that person. i know, im fighting the valiant fight still.
but i've found a calm and peace, in letting go. just releasing that responseability for someone else's pain. i didnt cause it, i cant fix it. it is their own journey, and they may, or may not, find the answers. then they will return in a next life, and try again.
there are three kinds of business in this life
my business, your business, and god's business.
your business, is yours, what you think and do and feel. its yours, and i have no business being in business. so let go.
gods business. the government, the weather, global warming, you cant do anything about it, so stop trying to control it. let go.
so, basically, mind your own business.
what other people do, think, and say. its not yours to carry.
and you can love them, and offer wise words. but you need to stop before you cause yourself pain.
when it starts hurting, then you are going against your own true self.
Thanks for you input Adele. It is very true what you say. Friends and family can not only become co-dependents but enablers as well. We don't want to help anyone with continuing their addictions, but by trying to be there for them that may be exactly what we are doing!
ReplyDeleteChapeau, thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThere was one thing that kept going through my mind while I was reading your post, an insight that helped me a lot in the past. Maybe it's useful to you as well:
In situations like these (not that I know that many addicts) I find it's easier to let go when I realize that I'm not even helping when I keep trying to solve his/her problems for them, when I'm providing the same comfort zone over and over again. Just the opposite: I'm taking away their chance to get out of the situation, since it's theirs to solve in the first place - not mine. It's their lesson, not mine. Mine was to forgive them, to forgive myself and to move on, letting go.
Having a little faith helped ;)
Stay well,
Renée
addicts have sociopath tendencies and in a conflict situation they can and will make you look and feel like you are the bad person, especially when you're not. It's all part of their charm.
ReplyDeleteIf they do this to you, don't fight back, just walk away. If the addict has convinced others you are the bad person just leave it alone! Fighting back only makes it worse for you, it's what the addict wants.
From personal experience I KNOW that others will eventually see the person for who they are and will no doubt have experienced the same lies and deceit you had!